I Wish You Were Dead
by Scrotie McBoogerBalls
Summary: Just a Two-Shot about what would happen if Clary were more like me and mean whenever someone hurt her. Jace learns the hard way that things happen for a reason... AU/OOC T for language
1. Chapter 1

I Wish You Were Dead!

It has been a week since he dumped her. His reasoning's were still uncertain, but she knew it had to be because he hasn't changed. He's still the same womanizer that he was before they met. All he wanted was to sleep around. Once her tears dried, and her breathing leveled, anger sank into her skin, bones, and heart. She began throwing things in her room, and wanted to badly break the mirror, but she restrained herself, because she knew he mother would kill her if she did.

She started to laugh maniacally, when she thought of him getting an STD from all the stupid sluts he would fuck. She hoped his dick would turn black and fall off. She remembered watching a movie a long time ago, before she met any of the lightwoods. She watched the movie with Simon and Eric. It was about a girl who had teeth in her virgina, and it BIT OFF dicks! She found the movie to be hilarious, while the guys were deeply traumatized by it.

She hoped that Jace would run into a girl with teeth in her cha-cha. She would love to be there, and laugh out loud while he slowly died from blood loss. That's what he would deserve for hurting her, destroying her, for practically throwing her away like a piece of trash.

Izzy told her that she would take her clubbing to get her mind off Jace, and to meet new guys and party. At first all she wanted to do was mope in her room. The thought of men- even now- disgusts her. BUT what would it hurt, to help ease the pain just for one night? To make Jace disappear from her mind, to help her forget.

So of course Izzy poked, pulled, ripped, and tugged until Clary looked like a super model. She made her wear a black mini-skirt, with boots that stopped just below her knees. Her top hung to her body, and hung low on her chest, showing off whatever she had there. She straightened Clary's hair; it was sleek, and shiny, reaching her mid-back section. She had on smoky eye make up, and sparking earrings that dangled from her years.

Clary had to admit that she felt gorgeous, and she felt she could hypnotize a pool of men tonight. She was excited until she realized Jace was coming.

"Izzy, how am I suppose to get him off my mind if he's going to be everywhere I AM!" Clary shouted in Izzy's face, ready to tackle her and tear her to shreds.

"Because I want you rub it in his face what he destroyed. I want him to hurt just as much as you are! I want him to see you dry humping other guys, don't you get it?" Okay, that sounded very fun to Clary, and she couldn't wait to do it, BUT… she also wanted to just disappear from this world, where Jace exists. She wanted it to be like she never met him at all, just this one night, and now he'll probably be breathing down her neck. They could have done this on a later time.

But the idea was fun, and she knew she wouldn't get her way and get Jace to not go, and Izzy to change her mind. She gave in, and they exited the Institute together, Clary completely ignoring Jace, who was walking next to her.

~*0*~

Jace had to leave her; it was for her own good. Every step he took was a step away from Clary, and as much as he wanted to backtrack he just couldn't. He loved her too much to let him take her down with him. He was unworthy of such a beautiful, smart, talented young girl to be his. He wasn't putting too much effort into his outfit. He knew he was treating Clary badly, especially after the break up. Why he felt the need to be an asswhole to the girl he was already hurting, was beyond him. Maybe it was his way of getting her to forget about him. She should forget about him. He didn't deserve her.

"_Yea, you're damn right you don't deserve her. Not with how you think!_" Said a voice, Jace spun around to see none other than Sebastian, sitting on his desk with one leg up, and his arm hung over the knee.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jace was ready to attack, when Sebastian put his hands up in defense.

"_Relax, I'm not here to kill you, or your girlfriend… oh" _He chuckled. "_That's right, I mean EX-girlfriend! You really screwed this up didn't you, Herondale?" _He laughed again.

"Then what are you here for?" Jace asked, ignoring his taunts.

"_I'm here to taunt you about your incredibly __**stupid**__ decisions."_

"What?" Jace's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"_Ugh!_" Sebastian groaned in frustration and jumped down from the desk. "_I guess you can say I am your inner conscience, but not really. I am here to guide you. Or maybe insult you. Not sure which, yet._"

"But why you?"

"_The spirit world thoughtt I was best for the job, because even __**I**__ think that you are being an incredibly big fucking idiot!"_

"What!"

"_That's right. You dumped your girlfriend, because…" _Sebastian started to mimic him in a ridiculous tone. "_I don't deserve her, wha-whaa, I am pathetic and don't deserve to be happy wha wha. So instead of changing and working my best to make me worthy I am going to destroy my girlfriend's heart and dump her, wha wha!_" After Sebastian finished his rant Jace couldn't help but think if that's what he sounds like, than it was kind of…. Pathetic…

But more the all reason not to deserve Clary.

Sebastian groaned in frustration again.

"_I should've known that you were too pathetic to take that imitation of you as a hint to stop being a fucking idiot!" Could he hear his thoughts?_

Sebastian followed Jace all the way out the institute, and stood by Jace while Jace stood by Clary. No one could see him, but Jace, and it was starting to annoy him.

"_Oh, look at that Herondale. She hates you! __**HALLEJUAH**__! It's about time my darling sister realized she was in love with a __**fucking idiot**_!"

"SHUT UP!" Jace shouted, but realized that he said it out loud, and everyone was now staring at him like he was crazy. Clary looked at him, not just like he was crazy, but fucking stupid.

She let out a gust of air that said she had enough, rolled her eyes and began to walk ahead of him. Everyone turning away from Jace and ignoring his odd random outburst.

"_Nice going Herondale. Not only did you __**prove**__ yourself to be worthless, but now they think you're nuts. Oh this keeps getting better and better. It's like watching a Soap Opera!" _Sebastian jumped in the air all excited for the drama that was about to unfold.

They arrived at Pandemonium, as soon as they entered Clary took off, disappearing into the crowd, Jace tried to search for her with his eyes, but found nothing but his eyes straining from the constant focus. Ignoring, Sebastian taunts, he walked over to the bar, hoping he could find her better from here.

He was standing there for some time, still not seeing a sight of Clary, Isabelle, or Simon anywhere. Sebastian was being quiet for a change, and he was hoping he'd stay that way.

"Hello gorgeous." Jace heard a girl's seductive voice beside him. He turned to see a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes watching him closely. He heard Sebastian smirk and scoff, but he ignored him.

"He pretty thing, what's your name."

"_Skank!_"

"Linda." She and Sebastian said at the same time.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." Jace asked again.

"Linda." She was tracing her index finger around the glass of her drink. "Want to find a private place."

"More than anything." Jace replied. They hurried off into a corner. Jace, not knowing Sebastian followed. The girl grinded on him, lifting her leg onto his hip, while they kissed fiercely.

"_She's not Clary."_ Sebastian said while standing directly next to him.

"Ah!" Jace stopped kissing the girl for a second.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing." Jace shook his head and began kissing her again.

"_You know, I am beginning to think you __**don't**__ deserve her! Here you are, not even a week after the two of you break up, and you are making out with someone else…. Right… in… front… of ….. her!"_

Jace, let his eyes wonder, with his lips still on the girls, and saw Clary rushing away. He could chase her and ruin everything, or just continue to pretend she wasn't there, that Sebastian wasn't there.

"_**I**__ murdered your little brother, and even __**I**__ think you are a bigger piece of shit than me. Don't pretend you didn't see. You very well know that you did. You treat her like shit, after __**you**__ broke up with __**her**__! You make out with someone else right in front of her, not even a week later. I was wrong, her __**don't**__ deserve her, you don't deserve anything! A real hero goes on to __**prove**__ they aren't unworthy, that they __**are**__ deserving. A hero doesn't back down for his own selfish needs, a hero makes sacrifices, like himself, to save a life. What have you ever done for someone else… oh that's right… nothing!"_

"Aaaahh!" Jace pushed the girl away, who shot him a glare and took off. He turned on Seb and backed hi further into the abandoned corner so no one could hear.

"I _AM_ making sacrifices, I sacrificed my girl so she could be happy!"

"_No! You sacrificed breaking her heart and you never having to deal with it." A sacrifice is when you jump in from of a train or car before someone gets hit, a sacrifice is saying no to a promotion because someone else worked harder for it, a sacrifice for your girl to be happy, is to sacrifice your mind body and soul at an alter to __**God**__ and making __**vows**_ _to love her cherish her, in sickness and in health, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, until death do you part! There is nothing in there than says, 'oh except if you're a low-life who is unworthy, than I can break this vow! Instead you destroyed her, broke her, hurt her, for your own __**selfish**_ _reasons. Because you are scared!" _Sebastian looked passed Jace then pointed a finger.

"_Eventually, because you hurt her so much, she will forget about you, but you will __**never**__ forget about her no matter how hard you try!"_

There was Clary, grinding, and dancing with someone else. Her lips were on him fiercely. His hands all over her, her ass, her face, her thigh.

In a fit of rage, Jace rushed over to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the guy. Clary screamed and yelled at him, but he ignored her as he pulled her into the storeroom where they first met.

"What the fuck, Jace!" She screamed so loud, he thought the glass windows would break.

"Calm down." I put a hand out.

"FUCK YOU!" She screamed again. "How is it okay for you to find a total stranger and suck face with them, but it's not okay for me!" She screaming so much that Jace's ears were ringing. She's has been so angry, not sad, not in tears, angry. Every time he is even near her, she insults him, pushes him, all of the above she's done. He thought that perhaps she would see through his play, and realized he still loved her, but no.

She was acting quite different than he expected.

"Clary-"

"You broke up with _me!"_

"Goddammit, Clary! I'm trying to apologize here, but-"

"I keep interrupted? Who said you had a right to speak? Let alone speak to _me_ after what you are putting me through!"

"I don't know." I threw my hands up in frustration.

"See, if you can't even answer that than why are we here?"

Clary was about to leave, when she thought of something, and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Actually, I'm _glad_ we're here, because I have something to tell you."

"Oh yea? What?"

"I hate you… no… I despise you. And I think I am not the only one…"

"What are you-"

"No!" Clary put her hand up as if it were stopping his voice dead. "Shut up and listen. I hate you because all I have ever done is tried to make you happy. I felt sorry for you, because you grew up without a childhood, and I wanted to bring you happiness! And the Lightwoods wanted to do the same thing. They wanted to give you a family, Christmases, birthdays, all kinds of holidays that you couldn't enjoy with him, and you know what you do? You crumple up out love, like a piece of paper- a piece of trash and you throw it in the can and you _spit_ on it! You don't appreciate _anything_ anyone does for you! No matter what they do for you."

"That's not true!" Jace shouted in anger, but Clary continued.

"Oh yes, it is! Because if it wasn't, we'd still be together, and we wouldn't be having this little discussion! I brought you back from the DEAD!" She screamed that last word. "You know why I did it?" Tears fell from her eyes. "Because I _love_ you! Because I wanted the chance to be with you, ad because you _deserved_ a second chance! No child should ever go without a mother, a father, a _childhood_, and I thought not only do _we_ _deserve_ to be together, but also that _you deserved_ to be happy. And oh my God, I have never ever been proven so wrong before, until now!"

"Clary I-"

"You know what you did to me?" She screamed, tears pouring like waterfalls down her face. "I gave up my best friend to be with you, I hurt him deeply to be with you. My mom _hates_ you, and fought with her, and said cruel things to her, to be with _you_. You have any idea how much of a fool you have made me?"

Jace stood in shock, not wanting to move, noting sure of what to say.

"I wish… I wish never met you. I wish I never brought you back that night by the lake. Because If knew then what I knew now. I'd _spit_ on your grave!"

Jace felt and odd pain in his chest, his hand came up to cup as if it would make the pain go away.

"Fuck you, Jace Herondale. You wouldn't even get a funeral now, if you were to drop dead."

And all of the sudden, the pain was severe, and Jace fell to the ground. He gripped his chest not understanding what was happening to him. He pulled his hand away to find blood. Blood? From where? What the hell was going on? He looked up looking for some kind of help from Clary, but all she did was stand there, and watch, and soon turned around ever so slowly, and left him there, while his vision slowly faded. Someone else came into the storeroom when he bent down, he saw Sebastian.

"_Congratulations." _He said softly._ "You've lost everything…"_

"What's happening to me?" Jace gasped for pain.

"_She took back everything… everything she wished from the Angel… you're dying Jace."_

"She-she knew what she was doing… didn't she?" Jace sobbed. "She knew saying those worse would kill me… didn't she?" Sebastian let out a sad sigh, as soon Jace's vision went completely black, not even seeing Sebastian's face anymore….


	2. Chapter 2

"Where am I?"

"_Just Listen." _ He could hear Sebastian sigh another sad sigh, but all he saw was darkness.

"_Remember when you saved Simon's life?"_

"Which one?"

"_When you found him completely drained of blood…"_

"Yes…"

"_If I were in your shoes, I'd let him die. He was quite irritating. And if you ask me, a little bit of a bad friend. It's normal to be hurt when the girl of your dreams turns you down, but it's unreasonable to force her to have your way. You cannot force love, or sexual attraction. It's not possible. Just like humans trying to make clones, or stop the sky from being blue. It is what it is. If you were to let him die, he might've deserved it, because even after you saved his life, he still treated you with such insane jealousy, that the Angels stopped feeling sorry for him long before…. If you were to let him die, it would get him out of the way for you to be with Clary… did you… let him die?_

"No! I may hate the maggot, but I don't want him to die. He had every right to be hurt, to feel betrayed. Clary had known him her whole life, and yet she chose me. Sometimes I wonder if I somewhat tricked her into falling in love with me"

"_If you were no good, and an undeserving human being, you wouldn't have saved his life, you sacrificed your chance to have Clary to yourself, to save his life. You forget that Clarissa tried to love him like she loved you, for the sake of their friendship, and to forget her love for you. Even then she could not love him. You cannot force love, therefore you cannot trick love. We do not chose who we fall in love with. And that's only unfortunate for others, such as Simon…"_

"…." Jace wanted to say something funny, like the fact that she _still_ chose him. But he had no feeling left to be witty, or smart. He felt soulless without Clary. Knowing that he caused her so much pain that she would just let him die.

"_Do you remember when you were thirteen?" Sebastian continued._

"What about me at age thirteen?"

"_You had that toy you loved so much. The only thing memorable father ever gave you. We all know that you loved that man, even through the abuse… But even in the midst of that you gave that toy to Max. You didn't have to, but you did."_

"He was just a baby."

"_If you were undeserving, father wouldn't of sent you to live with the Lightwoods…"_

"What do you mean?"

"_He loved you… more than he loved me. He destroyed me, creating a monster when I was born. __**You**__ were what I would've been if he hadn't destroyed me. He loved you so much, that he sacrificed his master plan, to send you to a home where you would be loved…. He wouldn't have done that, if you didn't deserve it…."_

"Why are you telling me this? I thought you were…"

"_Evil?" _Sebastian laughed softly._ "I am both. I am the soul of Jonathon, and the demonic spirit of Sebastian. Jonathon is whom I would've been if our father hadn't done what he did. When the demonic blood took over during the time I was fetal, my soul died. Being welcomed into the Lord's open arms. I am telling you this because you deserve to live, Jace. You deserve to be happy. Even though he sent you away for your own good, at that point the damage had already been done. You were emotionally disturbed… almost a sociopath. You had trouble letting anyone in because he taught you not to. It wasn't because you didn't __**want**__ to; it was because you didn't know __**how**__. You were just a child Jace. No child deserves-"_

"Every child deserves a mother, a father, love, protection, nourishment. To be rocked to sleep every night, to be soothed when they trip and fall, to play outside in the sun… Just like Clary said…"

"_Yes, exactly like Clary said. The reason the world has sociopaths is because of the children who went without love at a young age. Luckily for you, he showed more to you than me, not enough to keep you emotionally stable, but enough to keep you having a conscience."_

"What does any of this matter? Clary hates me, she killed me, watched me die. And I _deserved_ that…"

"_Yes… indeed you did… however…. You still have a chance to reach your epiphany… why did you break up with Clary?"_

"Because I thought she deserved better, I wanted her to be happy…"

Jonathon let out another laughter. "_And even though it was a foolish decision, you did it out of the goodness of your heart. At least what you __**thought**__. If you were so terrible, then why sacrificed your happiness for hers. You sacrificed the only thing-person- in your world that brought you love, warmth, and care, because you thought it was for her own good. What kind of man does this?"_

"One such as me. One who is stupid enough to-"

"_Ah, Indeed foolish, but kind, caring, loving… But answer this for me; was she happy…when you two were together?"_

"…. Yes."

"_When was she unhappy?"_

Jace thought back to when he met her, she was a happy girl then, but then…

"When her mother disappeared, When she thought Luke abandoned her, when I was kidnapped- or she _thought_ I was kidnapped" Jonathon chuckled while Jace continued. "When we found out we were brother and sister, when Simon turned into a vampire, when we couldn't be together…. When I broke up with her…"

"_There's your answer…"_

"But I screwed up, she hates me now…" He could hear Jonathon sigh.

"_The thing about love is that it never dies. It lives long after we're gone. Though one may try and convince themselves that love has died for them, it still lingers within their soul, and there it will stay forever…."_

Even though Jace was sure he was nothing, he could feel a tear drip down his cheek.

"_Now Jace… it is time to wake up…"_

Suddenly Jace's eyes opened, as if they were closed the whole time. He could've sworn they were opened. It was bright, too bright; he closed his eyes again, and rubbed his fingers against his lids. He opened them again, now the light didn't seem so bright. He sat up slightly, and realized he was in the infirmary. He looked around and noticed a person curled up in a ball next to his cot.

Clary.

She was here, by his bedside. But why, what happened? Was it all a dream? Did he even dream the break up? If she took back everything from the Angel, how was it that he was still alive? Maybe Sebastian did something. He wasn't sure. He sat up completely, with his legs hanging over the bed. He was still in his clothes from the night before. There were bloodstains on his shirt. No. It all happened, but why was Clary here by his side, of all people?

He couldn't help himself, he stood up and towered over her, she was sound asleep. With her knees tucked under chin, and her hands curled under her cheek, up against the back of the chair. She was still wearing her clothes too. She was covered in blood. His blood? Her hair was still straight, and she was barefoot. She wasn't covered, so Jace took off his jacket and laid it over her. Despite the dry blood, he hardly thought it mattered since she was already covered in it.

When he covered her she shifted and soon her eyes fluttered opened.

"Jace…?" Her eyes held confusion, why?

She sat up staring at him, almost as if she wasn't sure if he was really there. And incase his suspicions were right, he answered her.

"Clary…" he whispered so softly, that he wasn't sure if she heard him. She suddenly got up and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Jace squeezed her back, thankful that he had her in his arms again, thankful that she was letting him even touch her.

After it felt like forever, which Jace would never protest. She let go, as soon as the contact was gone, he wished he could've held her longer. When he looked into her eyes, she couldn't meet his. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and looked down to the ground.

"Listen, about… what I said." She started, but Jace stopped her. He took both his hands and cupped her face, making her look at him.

"No. Before _you_ say anything. I am sorry. Sorry for everything, Sorry for being selfish, sorry being cruel, sorry for even _looking_ at another girl! I am so sorry for _everything_! You were right to say those things to me, I needed to hear them."

"No!" She cried. "I still shouldn't have said it, I knew…." She sobbed. "I knew it would hurt you… I knew it would… kill you. And all I wanted was for you to hear it. When I walked out of that room I realized what I had done."

_She saw Jace fall limp to the ground, she saw him start bleed out his chest the same place the sword had been. She saw he was dying and she walked away. She was so angry so hurt, that she wanted him to feel the same pain she felt, even if it meant him literally bleeding from his chest She exited the door and looked onto the dancing crowd. Her mind began to wonder to all the memories, to all the things they did together. All the time they spent defending their love, all the time they spent ignoring their love. Tears began to flow heavier down her face. She hated herself for loving him. That was the problem, she still loved him. Even if he didn't love her. She turned around and ran back into the storeroom and saw him lying lifeless on the floor_

"_Jace!" She rushed to him, placing her hand on his wound and putting in pressure. "Please I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry Jace I love you! Please I didn't mean it!"_

"Ssshh?" Jace cooed as he held her tightly while she sobbed in his chest. "I thought you hated me." Jace smiled in relief, while she shook her head against his chest.

"I wish I did, sometimes." She giggled.

"I know. You have a right. I've done nothing, but taken you for granted. I promise I will not be doing that ever again. I didn't realize how unhappy I made you when I basically was making a decision without even thinking of you. I though it was for the better, but really it was for the worst."

Clary pulled back to look at him, and her eyes showed more confusion.

"Are you telling me you broke up with me because you thought you were no good for me?"

"Unfortunately, yes." He shamefully looked down at his feet.

"Jace Wayland Morgenstern Herondale Lightwood…. That's pathetic and downright stupid!" She laughed.

"I know that now." He laughed back.

"You mean to tell me that this whole time I thought you didn't want me anymore, it was because you thought that one day I wouldn't want you?"

He nodded, still looking down at his feet.

"Ugh!" She groaned. "Sometimes Jace I could kill you myself!"

"I know." He said it like a little boy who had his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"So you love me?" he heard her ask this with such worry in her voice. It made his head snap up to finally look at her.

"Of course! I've always had, and always will! Through richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse until death… no… forever… Forever I will love you and take care of you." He smiled wide at her. Clary laughed and closed her eyes while she shook her head.

"I don't plan to marrying you for another six years, but that was sweet." She smiled sweetly at him. She stood on her toes to kiss him, and he held her waste and kissed her back passionately, slow, and sweet. He had been given a second chance yet again, but this time he will never again take this chance for granted.

Never again...


End file.
